Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
