just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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