did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i will never coherently bang her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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