"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize