ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
