Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
