Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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