Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
