how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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