birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mom said you looked used
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
