I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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