Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
