Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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