Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
