You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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