new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
