We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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