We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fuck appropriateness.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize