so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
