You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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