lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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