is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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