call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My bed is full of blood and feathers
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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