Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
