that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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