dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
