guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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