can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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