Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
