i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
