Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my shit smells like andre
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
