Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
