'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
