well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
