chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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