I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
