It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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