Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
