I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
