how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
