You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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