: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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