you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
