i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
