I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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