Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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