theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
