Operation Purity has been aborted
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
