I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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