Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
