so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
is it fun? or sober?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
