He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
