It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
