Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize