used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
