YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
