Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
