He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
