It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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