butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
