Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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