am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i already hear my dad disowning me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize