so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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