There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
