3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found the puke drawer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
