man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well you can't waste a boner
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
