woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
