i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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