So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
