so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
