why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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