Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
