are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
