if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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