Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
