What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
