did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
