I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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