How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
