Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
