Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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