i think my mom watched the whole time
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
